I got upset at God, as I have been lately. I prayed hard to him, questioning his ulterior motives, wondering if he was truly listening.
And then he answered my prayer about binging…
Funny how he works right?
Some days I swear, I know he’s looking down at me from heaven just smiling at my mood swings.
“I can’t hang out with you all the time. You always drinking and eating. All your friends always inviting you to outings that require a lot of eating.”
That’s what one of my friend’s said to me today when we were on our walk. We had just finished eating all the fattening shit that my friend had made for her New Year’s get together. And New Years Eve we had binged away on chili, broccoli and cheese casserole, cookies, and chocolates.
I get upset with God as if he’s the one to blame.
But I’m like a recovering drug addict or alcoholic. There was a time when I could surround myself in those environments and be okay because I had “self control,” and I also had portion control. Now a days, I’m lucky if I can walk away from food.
Today I got on the scale and realized I had gained two more pounds, making it a total of six pounds that I needed to lose. But not only did I need to lose it, I need to make sure I lose body fat, and not just “weight.”
Which means that I need to surround myself with those who will respect my eating habits and only hang out with those who want to be active. But also limit those eating outings to once a week at most. So far, I’ve been doing it every day.
Everything with me, is associated with food. And the fact that my mind is weak, and I am easily pressured is not good for me. Nor is it helpful that I allow others to control me by being such a people pleaser.
With that being said, I need to relook at the view my relationships with others and hang out with those who respect my lifestyle. Because who am I trying to prove shit too? I hate me right now because of the body fat that I have. It doesn’t matter that I’m smaller then all those girls I hang out with. SKiinny girls can and do get fat too. It also doesn’t matter that they don’t like fe fact that I will not want to do all those eating crap with them. I feel like shit afterwards. Nor does it matter that I choose to go to the gym during the week, to be active versus hanging out with people. It’s my life.
I have to respect me, my life, and my wants not live for others.
The Personal One 